Candor by Pam Bachorz

Author:Pam Bachorz [Bachorz, Pam]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2010-09-11T08:33:53+00:00

HER TOES ARE on my ankle. Traveling up my leg. Under my pants. Soft, tickling toes. Naked naughty toes.

“Stop that.” I say it over the noise of the Messages warning me. They’re louder when we’re not in the woods. “I mean—please stop that.”

Nia drops her foot like she’s wearing a lead boot. “I thought you were my boyfriend.”

“Not here. Don’t do that here.”

We’re in the rocking chairs at Pondside Park, studying. Which means Nia’s distracting me, and I’m trying to keep her from blowing my cover.

Sort of. The distractions aren’t so bad.

But there are people everywhere. They all know the rules. I don’t want them seeing me—me, Campbell Banks’s kid—breaking them.

“You weren’t so boring last night.” Nia tucks both feet under her. The pianos from my custom Message mix get louder, for a second. I have the player in my backpack feeding us the good stuff.

“We were safe then,” I tell her. “But we should have studied in the dining room today.”

She doesn’t meet my eyes. Her pencil is roaming over her sketchbook, leaving curved gray trails behind it.

“Things are different in public,” I say. “We’re not safe.”

Nia snorts and flips to a fresh page. “Are you still trying to sell me on those secret … M … M …” Her mouth looks like it’s glued shut.

The boosters I keep giving her are working. They undo my big mistakes. I never should have told her the truth. What if she’d believed me? What if she’d told?

Worse—what if Dad had gotten ahold of her and “fixed” things?

We’re meant to be together.

An older man with a Red Sox cap sits in the chair closest to Nia. He nods his head at me and I roll out my flawless good-kid smile.

“Don’t you have math homework? I could help.” I say it loud enough for the man to hear.

“Screw math.” Nia looks at me, finally. Gives me an empty-eyed smile like a good Candor girl. She can play at it when she wants.

She just doesn’t want to very often. But I guess she doesn’t really understand how important it is to hide.

If I explained that, I’d have to explain other things. The things I want to keep a secret.

“Screw math, huh? I’ve heard of that. They use it for construction, right?” I ask.

“I better learn it, then. I won’t be going to college at this rate,” Nia says.

“Every student should aim for college.” The Message crowds out what I really wanted to say. That it doesn’t matter. That her art is more beautiful than anything I’ll ever do.

Nia rolls her eyes. “Is it hard being so good?” she asks.

I wish I could tell her the truth. That it’s like scratching an itch—with a knife. But the man is sitting there. Besides, I don’t tell her everything. If I did, would she still want to be with me?

The man gets up and walks away. I give my rocker a push. It makes a gritty noise against the cement.

“You make it hard to be good,” I tell Nia.

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